k—victoria asked about “non-ism” insults. I actually had a discussion about this with my brother a few days ago: Our favorite way to retain punch with insults while avoiding it becoming a slur toward an oppressed group is to simply stick to inanimate actions and objects (combined with appropriate vulgarities), or portmanteaus (or both!). If you think about it, you can come up with some fantastic ones that still get your point across without hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it:

  • You are fuckawful. (See, it’s like “fuck off,” “awful,” and “offal” all at once!)
  • What a shithat.
  • You self-wallowing pissglob.
  • Whose opinion are you borrowing, you actual farthammer?
  • You complete shitastrophe.

My personal favorite is “turd-suckling chucklefuck.” Also, in general, I think “asshole” is safe (correct me if I’m wrong) because just about everybody has one.

We both agreed, too, that taking a (relatively speaking) inoffensive existing insult and just adding orders of magnitude improves the power. Instead of “fuck off,” try “fuck all the way off,” or “fuck completely off my planet and into the sun.” Instead of “eat me,” consider “let me get you a spoon so you can eat my entire ass.”

There’s no insult that can’t be improved by hyperbole! Hope this helps somebody.

[submitted by arcaneloquence]

….. You are my new favorite person.

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